Parenthood IS a Job

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This is kinda rushed, so if there are typos- SORRY.

Sarah Palin and Working Women

There has been a lot of talk about Sarah Palin and how she is going to manage motherhood and the Vice Presidency. A lot of people are concerned and feel that it may not be possible; this angers many who are in favor of women working. I think the focus should not be on gender, we need to look at the broader picture.

Last night, it occurred to me that Palin is still nursing her child. I have no idea how long she intends to nurse him, its not really my business. I do know that the WHO recommends at least 2 years of breastfeeding whenever possible. Most women in the US barely manage 6 weeks of breastfeeding because they have to return to work and our society simply isn’t set up to accommodate working nursing mothers.

Ive breastfed children, I have 3 of them and spent a grand total of 6 years breastfeeding. Two of them I nursed almost 2 years and the other almost 3. In the beginning, it can be difficult. Children need to nurse more frequently than if they were bottlefed and many children will refuse the bottle, meaning they cant even be given supplemental feedings when the mother isn’t available. A breastfeeding mother needs to be available to her child almost round the clock. How will Palin manage to be available both to her child and to her job?

Will she wean him to a bottle so that she is available for impromptu meetings and unscheduled trips? Will she keep him in the office with her and when she travels, travel with him? Neither, I believe, is in the best interest of the child. It would be unfortunate if he were to be weaned solely so she can perform her job functions and it would be very trying for him to travel as she fulfils her duties.

In addition, he has extraordinary needs and she has yet to see how demanding of her time this will be. Will he need special medical care?

This is, not to say because she is a woman and a mother that she cannot have a highpowered job. Nancy Pelosi is mentioned frequently, she has 5 children. But Nancy Pelosi waited until her children were older before embarking on the most demanding leg of her career. The issue isn’t women and work, that distracts from the real issue.

If a m ale doctor chose to run for president and he were on call and had a pager and had to attend his patients, how would he be able to meet the demands of each job? IF a firefighter ran for president and he had to be available both to fight fires, whenever they occurred, and fulfill presidential duties, how would he?

The question is how ANY person can manage two very demanding jobs at the same time? Sarah Palin is a parent, so she has a job and in addition to that, with a minor child about to give birth and having an infant with special needs, her job has become even more demanding. How can she be on call and available to all who need her?

Yes, she has a husband.But I assure you, if she were a male I would ask the same. I wont use breastfeeding as my example, but I will use my surgeon analogy. How would he manage to be on call for patients and work as President? His wife, we assume, would take care of his home and children (If he has them) freeing him up to do nothing but work.

Sarah Palin’s husband would be able to quit his job and do the job of parenting. But they have 4 minor children, one of whom is disabled and another who is about to become a parent herself. The job they have is one that would overwhelm 2 parents. Is he able to do all of the parenting so she can work as VP? He cannot, of course, breastfeed. But what about the rest of it?

There are 4 kids. What will their income be? What will it cost to hire adequate help to manage 4 children while one parent works? (because no matter what, SOMEONE has to do the job of parenting, even if its hired help) If the infant requires a lot of medical or educational intervention, that means the parent who is parenting will likely have little or no time left for the other children. How will they manage that? I am not asking this to suggest that she is unqualified for the job, I am just wondering how well they have thought this out.

People get angry when someone says something like “Sarah Palin already has a job- shes a mother”. And I understand why, they hear it as saying that because she is a mother she hasn’t the right to pursue any other options, that she should stay home barefoot and pregnant. This is a part of feminism that I dislike. Motherhood is a fulltime job. Fatherhood can also be fulltime, but because men neither bear nor nurse children, they can be less involved.

But for the health of children (and there is no such thing as “children”, they are PEOPLE. The adults of today were the children of yesterday, so if children suffer 30 years down the line our populace suffers the effects of their early deprivation) it is ideal to have a mother who is able to devote her pregnancy as much as possible to maintaining her health and that of her unborn child AND who is able to breastfeed said child as long as possible.

Working until the due date and returning to work six weeks later is not good for mother or child. Being in a daycare 10 hours a day from age 6 weeks until, well until the age of 18, is not the best situation for a child. Pregnancy is already difficult, working nonstop until you pop, doesn’t help matters. It strains the body and then there is little recovery time afterwards, since after 6 weeks most women have to return to their jobs.

It is a JOB. And it is unfair to women to speak of it as if it were not a job. When we speak of being a parent as if it were something we are and not something we DO, we do a disservice to all parents. Parents are expected to work 2 jobs and work them both well. And women still bear the greatest portion of the workload around their homes. Married women without children still do more housework than either single women or married men. Married women with children, do the majority of the housework and the childcare.

Because we refuse to see parenting as a fulltime job, we seem to expect women to be capable of simultaneously working 2 demanding jobs. Single parents have an even harder time as they have no help with childcare, housework or bringing home the bacon.They work 3 jobs- mother, father and employee.

Instead of balking when the question is asked how a parent can manage parenthood and a career and seeing it solely as a question of “Can and should parents work”, we should ask, “If parents work, who will do the job of parenting children? IF parents don’t work, who will do the job of earning money?”. And we will, as a society, try to find solutions that do not require that women work 2 jobs, if they chose to have children.

We should offer assistance for working families, allowing parents to stay home longer and raise their children. We should not discount women who return to the job market after decades of childrearing, but consider their time at home as what it was, time spent ON THE JOB. Women, we should stop beating ourselves up and pushing ourselves too hard.

We still think “Can I be a mother and a [insert profession]?” and we don’t want to hear anyone say, “No”. But we can ask ourselves ‘Can I do this job and this job at the same time?” if the answer is no, then perhaps one or the other job can be put off. I am quite intelligent, my goals never included being a stay at home mother. I planned to work and become very successful at my career. But I had children. I knew that I wasn’t able to give 100% to both of my jobs and because I could not quit parenting and because it was important enough to me that it be the job I gave 100% to, I stayed home and parented until my children were old enough that the demands of the job lessened enough for me to manage another.

And it is still difficult, I work outside the home and I manage to give my job 100% and my kids 100% but there is nothing left over for me. I turn down volunteer opportunities and freelance opportunities. Sure, both would be good for me. I could make a difference and make more money, who doesn’t want that? But, I have made a commitment to my children and a commitment to my job. If I cannot honor those commitments and take on new responsibilities, it is my duty to tend to my existing obligations first.

I think of it as a contract. When I had children, I entered into a contract with them and the world to take care of them and their needs and get them from infancy to adulthood in one piece. If I can do other things while raising them, I will. But if I cannot, I must remember that I have a contract that I should NOT break, no matter how tempting other offers may be.

There will be a time when my contract expires, when being a parent is no longer a fulltime job. And when it is, perhaps I will change my career and take on something more demanding. I have male friends, who feel the same. They have chosen careers that allow them to spend time at home and with their children, and as those children reach adulthood, they are now looking at jobs that may require longer hours or extended travel. It is not about being a Woman or Mother.

Part of having good judgement and being wise is realizing that we have limits and that when we bite off more than we can chew, everyone suffers. And society needs to realize that parenting is a job, a fulltime job and be more accommodating.

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